Whoraholic

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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

Stranger: we never talk anymore you just lie there

Stranger: did you ever ask me how my day went?

You: look

You: i’m under a lot of stress lately

You: the manager’s been breathing down my neck

You: and we have those payments on the new porch coming up

Stranger: that dosent matter we hardly even talk anymore…and im pregnant

You: wait what

You: seriously

You: are you sure

You: oh geez oh man

Stranger: yeah…i thought you should know…i mean we have two kids already but we can get through this

You: alright alright let’s just stay calm

Stranger: ok…

You: hopefully i’ll get a raise before the new kid arrives

You: if not i’ll just have to sell my body

You: but that’s a long time from now

Stranger: honey you can’t do that… not again

You: look

You: i know i had an addiction, but i can control it this time

You: i won’t become a whoraholic again

Stranger: well…if you say so…ill just have to trust you

Stranger: just trust me youll know when to stop

You: you know i can’t do that

You: not since the war

Stranger: why can’t all this fighting end…im tired of having to raise children in this wartorn era

You: speaking of the war

Stranger: yes?

You: i’m pretty sure i lost all my reproductive organs to that hand grenade

You: so how exactly are you pregnant

Stranger: funny story about that…

Stranger: do you remember the mailman…ted was his name

You: yes what about him

You: i don’t see how he could possibly be relevant to this

Stranger: well…we had increadible passionate sex while you were out fighting in the war…

You: oh

You: now i see how he could possibly be relevant to this

Stranger: please just try to understand…

Stranger: you were out fighting and i just needed a strong man to hold me at night.

You: well hm

You: nope, actually i think i’ll just fly into a rage and physically abuse you

You: (this is me ragin)

Stranger: Please no, youll hurt the baby

You: a mailman baby

You: you know how much i hate mailmen

You: it just had to be a mailman didn’t it

Stranger: i’m sorry honey

You: on top of that, this morning a notice came in the mail

You: it’s our youngest daughter

You: she’s been drafted

Stranger: oh god…

You: i was going to hide it and tell you she went to boarding school

You: but now i’m just so dang mad

Stranger: i… i don’t know what to say…

You: which means in a few short weeks

You: she’ll be shipping out to the Superdeath Volcano Islands to fight against the invincible doombots

Stranger: OH DEAR HEAVENS NOOO NOT THE DOOMBOTS!!!

You: i’ve seen the war with the doombots firsthand

You: we didn’t stand a chance

You: and she’s ONLY SEVEN

Stranger: why on earth would they send a child to do such a thing…

Stranger: what is the news from the frontlines, if you know?

You: well the doombots have gotten stronger, i’m told

You: now they’re mega-doombots

Stranger: oh…oh dear god…not our little jessica

You: also all the soldiers have become infected with malaria

You: and AIDS

Stranger: how could this happen!?

You: and something called Ultimate Doom Plague, whatever that is

Stranger: Honey, after this mailman’s baby is born…I’m going to enlist myself into the army.

Stranger: I just cant stand the thought of jessica being out there to fight these things

You: Clarisse

You: Jessica will be dead within hours of reaching the front

You: if not minutes

Stranger: i know…

Stranger: but i must avenge my child.

You: the mega-doombots have lasers and orbital weapons platforms

You: our soldiers get two bullets some string and a hunk of bread

Stranger: Trust me…i can do this…i’m going to kill as many of those bastards as i can

You: technically they are unliving abominations of technology and dark magic, so you can’t kill them

You: secondly they are completely indestructible

Stranger: I…I just seem to lose the will to live anymore, Roger…this…this just hurts so much

You: the world we live in just seems like complete nonsense sometimes

You: as if…someone just made it up on the spot

You: but you have to live, Clarisse!

You: for the children

You: well

You: i guess just for the child, now

Stranger: what…what do you mean…Roger?

You: well i got the test results back from the doctor

Stranger: oh that’s right jesssica being ripped limb from limb

Stranger: what do the results say?

You: they say that your next child has a 98% chance of stillbirth

Stranger: oh no…

Stranger: Damn that mailman and his heroine problems

You: actually the doctor said it was due to your rampant alcoholism

Stranger: oh…

You: you need to stop drinking Clarisse

Stranger: I just cant help it… ever sense this damned war that took my brother and father

You: don’t forget your daughter

Stranger: Fuck…that too

You: hey HEY

You: see you’re drinking right now

You: give me that bottle

Stranger: NO!! IT’S MINE DAMNIT AND IT’S GONNA MAKE THIS ALL BETTER!!!

You: GODDAMMIT ALL CLARISSE

You: WHY WON’T YOU-

Stranger: JUST WHAT ROGER…WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!!!

You: THIS ISN’T WHY WE CAME TO AMERICA

You: WE HAD DREAMS AND AMBITIONS DAMMIT

Stranger: THEN WHY DID WE ROGER, WHY!

Stranger: JUST TO BE KILLED BY THESE DEATHBOTS!?

You: I CAN’T CHANGE THAT

You: I WENT AND I FOUGHT, ALL I GOT WAS MY JUNK EXPLODED

Stranger: oh god…roger… i think my water just broke…

You: what??

You: oh god

Stranger: THIS CHILD IS GONNA COME OUT!!!

You: WE’VE GOT TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL

Stranger: GET THE CAR…NOW

You: HURRY HURRY HURRY

You: GET IN

Stranger: ok

You: just breathe okay it’s all gonna be okay

Stranger: it’s all gonna be okay…it’s all gonna be okay…

You: dammit why is there all this traffic

Stranger: because…BECAUSE THE DEATHBOTS ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!!

You: OH GOD

You: LOOK UP IN THE SKY, THEY’RE HERE

Stranger: NO…THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING…NOT NOW

Stranger: Roger…

You: HANG ON CLARISSE!

You: I’M GOING TO TRY AND OUTRUN THEM!

Stranger: I…I Love you…i always have…

You: Clarisse…I…

You: OH NO WE’RE GOING TO GO OFF THE BRIDGE

Stranger: I…I think i see jessica…just hang on baby…i’m coming to get you

You: don’t say that Clarisse

You: i need you more than all the world

Stranger: there may be only a 2 percent chance this child may live…but promise me…promise me you will take care of her…

You: Clarisse, the car is sinking into the sea

You: it’s too late for us

Stranger: it may be… it …just…may…

You: i just wish…it didn’t have to be like this…

Stranger: i’m sorry roger…but i just don’t see a way out of this…

You: shhh

You: i know

You: let us go with dignity

Stranger: all right…before the deathbots find us…

You: also, sharks

You: i just noticed the sharks

Stranger: oh god…your kidding me…

Stranger: do they have lasers…attached to their foreheads?

You: my god

You: they do

You: they’re…

You: they’re doombot sharks

Stranger: damnit, cant those doombots just let us die in peace

You: if they did that they wouldn’t be doombots

Stranger: Roger…get the gun from the glove compartment…before the sharks break in to the car

You: yes…it’s better that way…

You: it’s heavier than it looks…

You: who will go first?

Stranger: i… i guess i will…to spare the child

You: all…all right, Clarisse

Stranger: Good bye Roger…

Stranger: i love you

You: i always loved you Clarisse

Stranger: (Clarisse pulls the trigger)

Stranger: (she and her child have died)

You: oh…oh Clarisse…

You: CLARIIIIIIISSE

You: DAMN YOU TO HELL SHARK DOOMBOTS

You: TAKE THIS AND THIS

You: oh goodness i’ve shot out the window

You: leaking fast now

You: right, let us put an end to this…

You: let me be with my love again…

You: steady now Roger…

You: (Roger pulls the trigger)

You: (he has died)

You: FIN

Stranger: What the fuck man

You: Wow

Stranger: what the fuck was that

You: It was…as beautiful as it was terrible

Stranger: so…

Stranger: asl?

Stranger: jk

You: hahaha

You: this is one for the archives

Stranger: yes it is, yes it is

You: and with that

You: Farewell, Clarisse

Stranger: Goodbye roger… till next time

You have disconnected.

omegle chat

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